Burned - Kristin Cast, P.C. Cast LADIDAAA TIME TO REVIEW HOUSE OF NIGHT NÚMERO SIETE (and for those of you that are very Spanish-deprived, that means #7). God, I love these books. Actually, I hate them. I just love reviewing them because they are so utterly ridiculous. And I love reading them because … they are so, utterly ridiculous. I have been told that there will be 15 in the series, so we are not even halfway through yet. WA-HOOO! Although how they're going to manage to keep the plot running for that long, I have no idea. Nothing ever happens in them anyway, though, so I guess it's okay.Alrighty so, the plot of this one: Stupid Zoey is temporarily dead and hanging out in the Otherworld with stupid Heath. Stupid stupid stupid. No one cares about them because they suck. Although I guess I should care, because Zoey is the main character. But I'm sorry. I hate her to pieces. Meanwhile, Zoey's somewhat less-stupid friends are trying to figure out a way to get her back out of her vegetable-like state. (Although why they don't want to keep her that way … beats me.) Stevie Rae has, like Zoey––her BFF (as the Casts insist on calling her … *gag*)––become a total slut. She has this thing with Raphaim, who is a decent character and all, except he has a freaky bird-head––and I mean that literally, not referring to the size of his brain. But then she also has her stupid vampire boyfriend Dallas, who she randomly has sex with on a kitchen floor after they bury a bunch of dead kids (… okay?). Aphrodite (who is now my favorite character, by far) is now all "I AM NYX'S PROPHET" which is pretty cool. I love Darius, too, btw. They are like the only good couple in the whole series. ANYWAY. Stark feels responsible for Zoey's sort-of death and wants to help get her back from the Otherworld––only problem is, he'd have to die to get there and they only have a week before Zoey dies for real. OH NO.Alrighty so … blah blah blah I think you get the basic gist of the plot. Basically not much happens, except Zoey sits around in the Otherworld with Heath being whiny and obnoxious. Stupid stupid Heath won't even go away when he'd DEAD for goodness sake. He is still his stupid puppy-dog self, being all like "Zoeeeyyy stay in the Otherworld with meeee and we can be together foreverrrrr!!!" It's like "Uh, hello? Have you noticed that you are FREAKING DEAD?" What an idiot. Meh. And then Zoey is all like, "Oookaaayyyy. I don't really want to deal with my real-life problems anyway. TEEHEE!" What a selfish bitch. (Pardon my French.)Zoey starts to see all the "pieces" of herself leaving bit by bit … meaning, she sees all these random versions of herself prancing about in the Otherworld. (I know, I know. More than one Zoey? I want to die, too.) So, first off she meets her nine-year-old self, who is supposedly her "joy". Nine-year-old Zoey just looks at her future self and says, "WE HAS BOOBIES. TEEHEES." Then goes on to tell a story about some girl in her third-grade class who's initials are BRA (TEEHEES.) So, what have we learned from this? Zoey gets her "joy" out of being shallow and laughing at other people's expense? Oh, what a surprise! Then Zoey meets up with this weird warrior chick, who is her strength. And whose name is Brighid. O_O AACKKK. So, if my name had an extra H in it … I would be Zoey's strength. EEW.Stevie Rae doesn't do anything of much interest except prance around being slutty and summoning giant demon bulls out of the ground. (I don't really get it, either.)Stark … Eh. I don't have much against him, besides the fact that he actually likes Zoey. God knows why. Why does ANYONE like her, for crying out loud? The main problem with Stark though is that he is pretty … bland. I used to like him, but now he's kind of taken on that stupid, over-dedicated boyfriend role. Plus he pretends to be better than everyone else all the time. So it's like … Okay, shut up. But he will probably be the one who ends up with Zoey, considering he is the least asshat-ish and not dead. Well, actually he is dead, technically. But, you know what I mean.SO other random issues. I think I've totally bashed P.C. and Kristin Cast's writing style(s) before. The spelling of "vampyre", the use of the "BFF", the use of random pop culture references that will make the books completely irrelevant in like two years (In this one there were random references to "True Blood" and "Glee" … yeah, I know. Glee references in House of Night? Something is wrong with this picture …). I don't know if I've mentioned that I also hate the way they write dialogue––Especially Stevie Rae, Kramisha, and … that random dude they met in Scotland. Stevie Rae's "bumpkin" talk, Kramisha's borderline racist "black talk", and Scotland-guy's "accent" that made his dialogue almost impossible to read … Yeah. It all gives me a bit of a headache. At this point, there's not really much of a point trying to analyze the plot or the characters any further, since I've tried before and … it just doesn't work. It's like, screw it. These books make no sense and are stupid and I want to throw them out a window.… Will I read the next book? Hell yes.