Awakened - Kristin Cast, P.C. Cast Oh, man. Oh man oh man oh man. Oh … I just. Guh. Where do I begin?I think reading these books is very unhealthy for me. Like, I can feel my brain cells dying off one by one. The writing is so bad and the plot is so bogus, it's like a drunk 13-year-old wrote this crap. I know that's a bit harsh––but seriously! I don't understand how you could throw this thing together and call it literature! Of course, why the heck do I keep reading them? That's a good question. I think it's because this is one of those "train wreck" series for me. (I've probably said this in my reviews for all the previous books.) As disastrous as they are, I just can't look away. And I did like them okay in the beginning ... but these past few books have just been agonizing. And they plan to write at least 15 of them?! I stand by my opinion that you should usually stop after 3 books ... unless you happen to have a very careful plan for your series and you are a really talented author. And, well, P.C. and Kristin Cast don't seem to have either of these traits.Well, let's get this over with.In Awakened, we find Zoey and Stark off on a magical island constantly having sex, while Neferet is taking over the House of Night (again)––although she's having problems with Kalona, the demonly bird-like dude who is under her control. Then there's the subplot about Stevie Rae, who is having a secret relationship with a Raven Mocker––one of Kalona's sons––named Raphaim. (How the hell do you pronounce that, by the way? It bugs me.)As usual, the characters are being annoying as heck. Zoey is probably one of the most horrible main characters of all time, particularly because I don't give a damn what happens to her. In this book, as usual, she doesn't seem to care at all what's happening to her friends or what her responsibilities are. Nooo, she's chilling out on an island, having sex with her hot warrior boyfriend all day every day. (And may I mention that one of her gazillion boyfriends has recently died, and she doesn't seem to think about him at all?!)*Headsmack* What am I supposed to find compelling about her? She's shallow, she's an idiot, she's uncaring and unfeeling. Do I care whether she lives or dies, or whether she saves the House of Night? No … Not really.As for the other characters, they remain boring cardboard cut-outs in the background––all of them prepared to throw themselves in harm's way just to save Zoey, because, for some reason, they all love her so much. I guess the relationship between Raphaim and Stevie Rae is compelling enough ... but other than that, I don't care much about the rest of the characters.Now … the writing. Hmm. It's just, well, bad. The authors switch perspectives way too much, the writing is clunky and tangential, and they constantly use text-speech such as "BFF" (Like, really? Really?!). They also use so many pop culture references, this book is going to make absolutely no sense to kids in ten years. This installment included random and unneeded references to "True Blood", "Glee", and "Avatar"––and probably more, but I can't remember all of them. The authors try way too hard to be "cool" and know what "the kids are into these days", and it's just … horribly painful.So! The plot. Oh, dear.Well, I already went on a rant on how much I hate Zoey, and how she pretty much spends the whole book having sex and not doing much at all. Some main character. Meanwhile, everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off, while Neferet … is evil. I don't even know. That woman just needs to die already; at this point, I'm not even afraid of her ... I just want her to disappear.Now. All the wonderful WTF moments. SPOILERS AHEAD. So, if you haven't read it and you plan to read it (If so, I pray for your soul), then don't click on the spoilery thing.- Jack dies. What––the––hell. I am so mad. Yeah, just go off and kill the most innocent character in the whole book, because that's such a lovely and original thing to do. Ok, well, I wouldn't be complaining if he'd actually had a decent death scene. But no. This was, like, the most terrible death scene of all time. We find Jack hanging origami on a tree, singing along to the Glee cover of "Defying Gravity". Neferet comes sneaking along and is like "BWAHAHA. Hello, Jack! Come join my evil side!" And he's just like "I think I'll tryyyy defyinnggg gravityyyyy, and you won't bring me downnnn!" (because––OH WOW THIS SONG IS SO FITTING FOR THIS SCENE. HOW … SYMBOLIC.) And Neferet, as impatient and obnoxious as always, uses her magic to make Jack fall out of the tree and onto a sword, where he goes kersplat and randomly dies. What?!- If that weren't bad enough, Zoey doesn't even find out about Jack's death for a pretty long time. Nope, she's still off being her usual slutty self. And when Stevie Rae finally calls her and tells her, she only cries for about two minutes. Then, on the next page, Stevie Rae makes a joke about Neferet's vagina and they both start laughing and forget all about … you know … THEIR FRIEND WHO JUST DIED. *HEADWALL*- Kalona discovers that he can randomly zap himself into Stark's body and enjoy having sex with Zoey. Uh … okay. I just ... don't even know.- Neferet randomly strips in front of Zoey and asks for her forgiveness (but, of course, doesn't really mean it). Ookey Dokey. I guess because nudity is symbolic of vulnerability? - Nyx magically fixes Raphaim, so now he is human during the night and a raven during the day. So yay, now Raphaim and Stevie Rae can have sex ... but hopefully they won't try it too close to sunrise, or OH MAN THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD.- Neferet turns away from Kalona and randomly starts worshipping the giant white bull. They seem to be having some kind of creepy interspecies relationship. *shudders*- The giant bull needs a sacrifice so that Neferet can make him some kind of vessel for his evilness. So, Neferet goes and kills Zoey's mother. I guess I would care if, you know, Zoey's mother had appeared in the past six books or so. I'd nearly forgotten she or her husband existed at all. Then, of course, when Zoey found out about her own mother's death, she has next to no emotional reaction. Just, "Oh, no! My mom's dead! Waaaah! Well … I'll see her again, right? Okay. Awesome." Sigh.- Heath, who refuses to ever go away ever, even after he died and even though he moved on to the next realm of the Otherworld … ARRRRGGGHHHHH I HATE HIM ... receives an offer from Nyx to go into Neferet's evil vessel to prevent Zoey's death; however, Heath will entirely forget who he is, so I'm not exactly sure how that works. In any case, it doesn't make much sense.So, yeah. Thus ends another ranting review for another one of these brain-killing books. I hope that I'll be able to give up on these, before I kill off all my brain cells entirely.