I always loved fairytales when I was a little kid––and no, not the silly watered-down ones. I liked the real, hardcore shit. The fairytales where everyone dies. Those are the good ones. Those Disney princess movies always bored me. (Except I loved Beauty and the Beast, because Belle isn't a dumbass and she reads a lot––like meeee!)Anyway, if I recall correctly, I had at least one of Andrew Lang's fairytale collections when I was a kid … maybe a couple of them. Then, this past month, I had an assignment for my drawing class to illustrate a story. I immediately started remembering all these crazy fairytales I had read as a kid, and started to look them up. I stumbled upon Lang's collections again, and discovered that they were available on Amazon as free ebooks! Yay! So naturally, I downloaded them all (I think there were only two that weren't free on Amazon, but those two were free on Project Gutenberg, SOOO.)(Side note: I ended up illustrating a Norwegian fairytale called "East of the Sun, West of the Moon" and you can see my illustrations here.)Anyway, I got caught up in reading these fairytales and read the whole Blue Fairy Book. There were a lot of fairytales I'd forgotten and remembered again, some I'd never heard of, and a lot that I'd heard before but which were different versions than what I was familiar with.For example … DID YOU KNOW there's a version of Sleeping Beauty in which, after they get married and all that jazz, the prince's mother is an evil ogress who tries to eat Sleeping Beauty and her children? True facts! Oh, and then she makes this giant pot of like snakes and crocodiles and shit that she's going to put Sleeping Beauty and the kids into, and then the prince walks in and he's like, "Mom, what the fuck are you doing?" and she's like "Uh … um … How do I cover this up." So she just jumps into the pot herself and gets eaten alive. Yup.Anyway, a lot of these fairytales just had total WTF moments."The first thing she did when she reached her room was to throw the cabbage out of the window. But she was very much surprised to hear an odd little voice cry out: "Oh! I am half killed!" and could no tell where it came from, because cabbages do not generally speak."… Like that.Also sometimes the old timey language could have some hilarious results."There was a miller who left no more estate to the three sons he had than his mill, his ass, and his cat.""Here, son. You get my cat. Other son, here's my mill. And third son … you just get MY ASS.""Oh, thanks Dad."HOHOHO.Also, of course, the word "gay" had a different connotation back then.- "He was young, and gay, and handsome …"- "Then he dressed himself carefully in rich brocade, with scarlet and white plumes, and threw a splendid embroidered scarf over his shoulder, and, looking as gay and as graceful as possible, he presented himself at the door of the palace …"Ha. Haha. Anyway …There are some pretty sexist moments. I guess that's to be expected because of the time period in which these stories were created. But still."She fainted away, for this is the first expedient almost all women find in such cases."And a lot of super violent things just happen out of the blue."She had picked up a knife and cut her head off in an instant."Oh yeah, also for some reason the first five chapters of Gulliver's Travels were in this book. And I'm like … uh, that's not a fairytale. So. What the hell. Also the Greek myth about Perseus was in here, except all the names were changed. So that was odd.Anyway … the point is, fairytales are crazy and weird and I love them. The end.